Graduation
by SineadM
Summary: JPC one shot


Dublin on a sunny day sparkles with a vibrancy like nowhere else

Dublin on a sunny day sparkles with a vibrancy like nowhere else. Maybe it's that Irish people are so used to mediocre summers but the sight of blue skies and a hot sun sends the whole place into holiday mode.

This day is one of those. As we walk down O'Connell Street, the street is filled with people and noise. Groups of young teenagers, pale limbs encased in their rarely worn summer clothes. Families on their way to the park, the burden of pushing a pram and hauling young children around relieved by the warmth in the air. Couples, walking hand in hand, no particular destination in mind, happy to be together.

The atmosphere is almost carnival like. People are automatically in a good mood. Their steps are lighter, their hearts more free.

Over the last few years I've come to love this city but on days like today my heart positively swells with affection for it.

As we cross O'Connell Bridge the sight of the usually murky water of the Liffey sparkling in the sunshine, the Ha'penny Bridge providing the postcard backdrop stops me in my tracks as I take it all in. I can't help but smile.

"Come on," John Paul pulls at my arm as I stand there, "we're going to be late."

Taking his arm I pull him over to the edge of the path, out of the way of the crowds passing by. Putting my arm around his waist I move closer to him.

"Look," I say gesturing to the vista in front of us.

He looks at me and his face is lit up by a smile mingled with exasperation.

"Craig…"

"Sssh…one minute. Just look at it," I squeeze my hand on his hip and the exasperation disappears from his face.

He looks out at the river and lets out a long breath. His arm snakes around my waist and I know he's feeling it as well.

"It's beautiful," he says after a minute.

"I know," I say but I'm not looking at the view anymore. I'm looking up at him.

He catches my meaning and a flush spreads across his cheeks.

"You're so cute when you're blushing," I tell him which just causes him to turn even redder.

He looks down at the ground, a sudden shyness overcoming him. It still surprises me how me telling him that I think he's beautiful or that I love him can to that do him. It's like he's surprised every time I do, surprised that someone would feel that way about him.

"Hey," I put my finger under his chin and tip his face up until our eyes meet. "I love you."

And just like I knew they would, his eyes widen slightly and his face lights up.

"I love you too." He smiles at me. "Now come on, we're going to be late."

He takes my hand as we jostle through the crowds of people crossing the bridge and heading for a day of shopping on Grafton Street. Trinity stands before us, the stone architecture and tall iron railings lending it an air of grandeur.

It's strange to look up at it now and think that I won't be walking through these gates anymore. It's become such a big part of my life. I think about the person I was the first day I walked through those gates. And I think about the person I am today.

John Paul squeezes my hand gently and when I turn his blue eyes are looking at me in understanding. He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back at him.

"Ready?" he asks softly and I smile at him.

"Yeah."

--

Mum, Jack, Steph and Darren are waiting in the quadrangle for us. Mum's gone all out, she has something perched on her head which I presume is meant to be a hat but it looks like a bird threw up its feathers all over her.. Steph is dressed conservatively by her normal standards and even Darren has managed to find a suit to wear. The obvious effort they've gone to means a lot and I get a lump in my throat.

I really need to stop being so emotional about everything or I'm going to be in floods of tears before we even start.

"We just about beat you here," Darren grins, pulling me into a manly hug which is quickly replaced as Steph jumps into my arms, almost crushing me. "Craig I'm so proud," she squeals and I can't help but laugh at her. "Flight was delayed," Darren continues, "Frankie was just about to take over the cockpit and fly us here herself when we finally took off."

Jack laughs beside Darren and Mum gives them both that familiar glare I know so well.

As Mum comes over to me I can see the tears start to form in her eyes. "We're all so proud of you Craig," she says, the tears threatening to spill over at any minute.

She's not helping my vow to not get emotional but as I feel her arms loop around my neck I hold her tightly.

Steph hugs John Paul and I hear her telling him how good he looks since she saw him last. She seems to forget she was only over for a visit a couple of weeks ago. Jack and Darren have both shaken his hand before Mum finally lets me go.

"I know, I know, I'm a silly old woman," she says as she wipes away her tears.

"Hi John Paul," she says as she kisses him on the cheek and hugs him, which he returns warmly.

I know it's been three years since we got back together. I know it's been over a year since he finished at HCC and moved over here with me. I know that Mum came to terms with us ages ago. And I know that she sees him as part of our family now. But every time I see her being so openly affectionate towards him I feel like hugging her to show her how much it means to me. That she accepts us, that she loves us.

John Paul sees the emotion on my face. "And you said you wouldn't cry. Go on, you've got to get ready."

I give him a brief kiss on the lips and smile a goodbye at my family.

--

Half an hour later I'm lined up outside the hall with the rest of my classmates. The cap and gown feel funny, like I'm playing dress-up. I'm laughing and joking with my friends and I feel those bloody tears coming again as I think about what it's going to be like, not seeing them every day. Although I know we'll keep in touch, it won't be the same.

"You are coming out tonight, aren't you Craig?" Roisin nudges me from her place behind me in the line. "Not going to sneak off for a night in with John Paul."

"Would I?" I raise my hands in mock puzzlement to her.

"Yeah cos it's not like the two of you've never sneaked off before on us. You'd swear ye didn't live together sometimes," she teases me back.

"Promise, no sneaking off tonight," I put my hand on my heart as I smile at her.

"Yeah, yeah heard it all before," she manages to get the last word in before an announcement comes from the top of the line that we're about to enter the hall.

I settle for sticking my tongue out at her before turning around and straightening up my cap. We begin the slow march into the hall and I feel so self-conscious walking in with all of these people looking at us. I find my family and John Paul in the crowd, they're all smiling broadly at me and I can't help but smile back at them.

Before I know it we're sitting in our assigned places and Roisin squeezes my hand in excitement as the President of the College begins his address.

There's a joke in Trinity that the President gives the exact same address every year. The joke he tells – when an American student misheard his "Comhghairdeachas" and thought that he was telling her she was gorgeous – has been passed down through the years. And when it predictably appears yet again and I burst out laughing at a joke I've heard countless times I really start to worry that I'm getting way too sentimental on this occasion. But looking around at my classmates they're all smiling happily as well. I guess it's just that kind of a day.

Finally it's my turn and my heart starts to race a bit as I line up to get my minute of fame on stage. I resolve not to look at my family or John Paul because I know that by now Mum's probably in floods of tears and although John Paul bet me that I'd be crying before him I wouldn't be surprised if he's shedding a tear or two at this stage. He's more of a softie than me any day.

But when I march up on stage and receive my certificate and my comhghairdeachas from the President I suddenly want to share this little moment with them more than anything. And so as I stand on the stage to have my picture taken I find them in the crowd. Unsurprisingly Mum is in tears, clutching onto Jack's arm as they both smile up at me. Steph gives me a little wave and Darren kind of nods his head at me.

And when I meet John Paul's eyes I can see the tears glistening in them. I grin at him in victory and he smiles proudly up at me. "I love you," he mouths to me and suddenly I find a tear rolling down my face and now it's his turn to smile in victory.

I'm going to kill him.

--

I'm smothered in hugs and manly handshakes as soon as the ceremony is over, Jack and Darren are grinning at each other as if I'm a newborn baby they've just managed to deliver together or something. It's kind of sweet.

"I've never had someone in my family who's graduated from university," Darren says as he shakes my hand. I think that's his way of telling me he's proud of me. Mum's tears have thankfully stopped for the moment although she wavers a little as she hugs me.

"Crybaby," John Paul teases as he comes up to me smiling.

"You didn't play fair," I scold him looping my arms around his neck. He puts his arms around my waist and hugs me close to him.

Pulling back he meets my eyes in a smile. "Seriously, I'm so proud of you," he says softly. I can't say anything because that bloody lump is back in my throat again but I know I don't have to. I know that all I want to say is right there in my eyes for only him to see.

Mum insists on getting the full regalia of professional photos and she spends about 10 minutes fixing the dead bird on her head before she allows the photographer to line us up. John Paul's standing to the side watching us taking our family photo when Mum suddenly notices him. "John Paul, what are you doing out there? Get in here."

He looks at Mum in surprise. "No it's fine, this one should be just for family."

She smiles at him, half fondly and half exasperatedly. "Yeah, so you should be in it."

The sudden tears that well up in his eyes make me smile as Mum rolls her eyes at him and drags him to stand beside me.

"Who's a crybaby now?" I whisper as he takes my hand. He sticks out his tongue at me but he squeezes my hand and I know what he's feeling because I'm feeling it too.

--

My family have gone to check into the hotel before meeting us for dinner and after I've caught up with all my friends and made arrangements to meet them later I look around for John Paul. I see him in the corner of the SU bar talking to Roisin.

Coming up behind him I wrap my arms around his waist, kissing him gently on the ear. "Can I borrow him?" I grin at Roisin and she smiles back at me.

"Fine but 9pm in Sinnotts Dean or you're a dead man, okay?" she points her finger at me. "You too John Paul," she turns her glare on him.

"I swear, we'll be there. Scout's honour." He salutes her and she can't help laughing at him.

Twenty minutes later the two of us are stretched out on the grass in St. Stephen's Green. It's lunchtime and the park is full of people sitting on the benches or on the grass enjoying their break from the office.

Although it's in the middle of the city it's always an oasis of calm in here. We've taken off our ties and rolled up our shirt sleeves and we lie enjoying the warmth of the sun on our faces, listening to the chatter of the crowds around us, totally at peace.

But as ever I can't lie still beside him. I miss looking at him, I miss touching him, I miss seeing his face.

Rolling onto my side and supporting myself on my elbow I smile down at him. I've stopped wondering if this is normal? If it's normal to fall more in love with him every time I look at him. If it's normal to want to be with him every single minute of the day, to miss him with a physical ache when he's not there. I love him so much it scares me sometimes. I can't even comprehend a life without him. The day he leaves is the day I stop living.

But I've learned not to let those thoughts invade me. I gave up trying to control my feelings for him a long time ago.

"Craig," he smiles softly without opening his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at you," I say softly and he opens his eyes looking up into mine.

"Are you going to start crying on me again?" he teases as he shifts his body around so that his head is resting in my lap. I sit up straighter, running my hand through his hair, looking down at him.

"You know, my first year here I used to come here a lot. I'd sit on one of those benches and I'd watch all these people going around, living their lives. I'd think about you, about us, about everything."

"Did you ever imagine we'd be here together like this?" he asks almost in a whisper.

"Yeah, all the time." I whisper back to him.

His eyes cloud over as he reaches for my free hand, interlocking our fingers together and resting them on his chest. I know he's thinking the same thing as me.

Thinking about what happened when I went home after that first year.

Finding out about him and Kieran.

Talking.

Fighting.

Ignoring each other.

Pretending we didn't care anymore.

Finally realising that nothing had changed. That we still loved each other as much as that last day we'd parted. That we would never stop loving each other.

Then the years spent apart. Astronomical phone bills. Weekends and holidays taken whenever we could. Agonising loneliness. Enduring love.

And then our first year together here in Dublin. Almost more scary than having to live apart. Because this was the test to see whether we could really do this or not. We had no more excuses, it was just me and him. And it was more amazing than either of us ever imagined.

"We could have avoided it all," John Paul says and I look at him quizzically. "All the pain we caused ourselves and…everyone else…if I'd just come here with you in the first place."

"I wouldn't change a thing that happened," I say totally honestly to him and I can see the surprise on his face.

We don't talk about this often. We agreed that the only way we could start over was to leave the past where it was. But I need to tell him this.

"It brought us to where we are now. And I wouldn't change that for the world."

He looks at me for a long minute. "Neither would I," he finally says, smiling softly at me; that smile that completes me every time.

He releases his hand from mine and puts his fingers to his lips. Kissing them, he blows the kiss to me.

I catch it in my hand and placing it over my heart, I meet his eyes.

I love it when we're soppy like this.

Reaching his hand up he gently strokes my face. "Come on, we better get going or we'll be late to meet your family." He gets to his feet and pulls me up with him.

Hand in hand we walk out of the park.

To celebrate my graduation; the past that has brought me to where I am today.

And to celebrate the future; the promise of the rest of our lives together.


End file.
